Ah, you guys... I am struggling.
Georgia was up three times last night.
The sleep regression thing is not a joke.
- [cell phone rings] - Oh, I-I gotta grab this.
Hold on. Beverley Mitchell's assistant.
Oh, yes, you know what? Unfortunately,
she is gonna be unavailable, but she would really love
to work with you. Okay, keep her in mind
for next time. Okay, thank you.
What the hell was that?
You still have your fake assistant?
You know I'm not good at confrontation.
- I hate to say no to people. - Hold up.
You act like your own assistant? How did I not know this?
How did you not recognize her? She barely disguises her voice.
So that time when I asked you to go to the swat lodge
and your assistant said you were getting your hair colored that day?
Don't worry, I'm actually leaving right now
to interview real assistants.
Oh, great! So now your real assistant
can bail on me. Unbelievable!
- [cell phone rings] - Oh! [growls]
Hello? Beverley Mitchell's assistant.
Who does that? It's so weird.
- I know. - Oh, you know what?
Unfortunately, she's gonna have to reschedule.
Yes, I-I will be sure to tell her her mother called.
Okay, thank you. Girls!
So, how's the work stuff going?
[sighs] I don't know, man.
I'm in, like, a weird, like, no man's land right now.
You know, with women in this business it's like,
you're [bleep]able, you're a mom,
then you're a grandma.
You have, like, three major windows.
I'm just, like, somewhere in between.
You are so incredibly funny and talented
and I know that you're gonna just
be able to find the right place for you.
I'm not worried about that at all.
It's just frustrating, you know?
Okay, don't look now, but there's this girl behind you
- taking pictures. - What?
Of you?
Do I have something on my face?
- No. - She keeps staring over here.
- She's probably a fan. - She's probably not.
- Oh, stop it. - I'm serious.
Have a little bit of confidence.
Listen, this tea's going through me.
I'll be right back.
Hi. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to be weird
and, like, creepy. I'm Jodie.
- Nice to meet you. - Uh, Kat.
Hi, I was sitting over there with my friend Christine.
- I'm sure you're a fan and... - Who?
My friend Christine Lakin. She was Al on "Step by Step."
I mean, you were staring at her a bunch
I figured you recognized her.
I was actually looking at my cousin's art instillation.
[chuckles] Right above her head.
- Oh! - Yeah.
- I'm... I'm sorry. - Yeah.
- Wow. - She's featured here.
You know what? I... [chuckles]
This is gonna sound really strange, um...
Would you actually pretend to be a fan of hers?
She's just having a really rough time right now
with her career stuff and she's, you know,
mom of a little six-month-old girl.
- Aw, yeah. - You guys could bond over
- some mom stuff maybe. - Um...
[chuckles] Okay, sure.
- Keep it between us kinda? - Oh, yeah,
- it's our little secret. - Really?
- Yeah. - Oh, my gosh.
You're amazing. Thank you.
Ugh, it's so crazy, like, ever since I had the baby,
I have to pee all the time.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm sorry. Are you Al?
I mean, Christine from "Step by Step"?
- Yes. - I'm such a huge fan.
- Ohh. - Hi. I'm Kat.
- Nice to meet you. - Kat, so nice to meet you too.
- You have a girl? Boy? - Yes, she's my first.
- Oh, same! - Yeah?
Yeah. Six and a half months.
- What are you? - Seven.
- You're kidding. - Yeah.
Are you sleep training right now?
- We just started. - You're kidding.
- You know... Come sit. - Yeah.
- Are you sure? - Come sit. Yes, please.
- Come join. - Because I'm, like, having
the worst time doing this.
So sweet. I'm sorry, this is Jodie.
- So sorry. - Both: Hi.
- It's like, Mommy talk. - How are you?
No, I am so glad that you guys are talking
because she asks my advice. My kids are 8 1/2 and 6 like...
- Yeah. - I don't remember, you know?
I'm so thirsty right now. You get so thirsty when you're...
- So thirsty when you're... - Both: Breastfeeding.
Yes. I have, like, hemorrhoids right now.
Oh, my gosh. Listen, like, after you push out
a baby, and then you're gonna get hemorrhoids?
Like, that's what I'm like... [groans]
Maybe God is a man. You know what I mean?
- Yeah. - [both laugh]
Lori Beth, it's so good to see you.
I mean, I haven't seen you for so long.
I'm a little surprised that you're here for the assistant job.
I mean, I remember you from "All That."
- I mean, you were awesome. - I want to get in to
the other side of the business.
I follow you. I follow your blog.
It's just so inspirational to me that I think you could
- kinda be a mentor. - Oh, wow.
That's really sweet. Okay, well, one thing that I
kinda need you to do is I'm really bad
at saying no. I just don't like confrontation.
It like, just really upsets me
and just makes me really uncomfortable.
So I'm a constant Yes Girl,
and it really gets me into trouble
and I just... I really need someone to be in there
and to be able to say... no.
Absolutely not.
Oh, I mean, o...
Did that convince you?
- I say no constantly. - Oh, those were good.
It's actually perfect timing that I'm hiring you
because I just got this great opportunity
to direct a low-budget horror film.
- I'm so excited. - Oh, my goodness
- that is so awesome. - Yeah, oh, my gosh,
I've been thinking about doing the whole thing
in one room. Real-time.
- So efficient. - What?!
- So efficient. - I know, so great!
I know I'm taking some cues from the "Saw" days.
God, I've seen that movie, like, a zillion times.
- I'm so glad you liked it. - Oh, the best.
I think this is gonna be, like, the perfect fit
because you grew up in the business like I did,
- so... - I'm so excited!
Mm, you're gonna love this place.
The flavors are so amazing.
It totally started out as, like,
an artisanal ice cream shop in Fresno.
Ooh, they have the ironic hipster back.
What is that?
It's PBR with Slim Jims and Cookie Crisp
in a chocolate bearded cone.
A chocolate bearded cone?
You know, I think I am gonna get a semi-normal one.
Can I get the dark chocolate covered fig
with the rosemary flakes?
How is your cruelty free pomegranate aioli?
- Oh, yeah. - Mm. Can I try that?
Yeah.
- Both: Thank you. - No problem.
- Oh, this was a good idea. - Right?
Hey, thanks again for yesterday.
Sorry I was such a Debbie Downer.
Of course, like, I'm so glad I could be there, you know?
That makes me feel a lot better.
You know, like, and then I cried.
- Hello. - Because I could not...
- Both: Hi! - What's up, girl!
- You made it! - Both: Aww.
- So good to see you. - I can't believe I made it.
- Hi, Jodie. - Nice to see you.
You remember Kat from yesterday?
- I do. - Yeah.
Somebody said... Wow. Oh, you're a good hugger.
Long hug.
- Hey, pull up a chair. - Yeah?
- Yeah. Please. - Okay.
- I didn't know you invited her. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, my gosh, I thought just gonna be...
I mean, I told her we were gonna be here.
I'm so glad you could come join us.
- I had so much fun yesterday. - I had so much fun.
After we met, we did, like, a play date.
- ♪ Play de date ♪ - Play de date.
I'm so glad you stayed for dinner.
- Brandon is an amazing cook. - Ohh.
I'll tell him you said that. He'll like to hear that.
- He made tacos. - I haven't had Brandon's tacos.
You talk about them a bunch, but I...
You should come to the Mommy and Me music class
- we're gonna go to. - Yeah.
- Mm. - We're going this afternoon.
My kids are old and, you know, at this stage
it's just Mommy, you know?
The "and me" part, they're in school and...
No, just you!
Like, what am I gonna do without a baby?
I just feel like it's so serendipitous
- that we met, you know? - Yeah.
- It's so strange. - Should we take a selfie?
Um, yes, please. Let's do this thing.
Right on Facebook.
Are you sure you want me in it?
- Yes! - Okay.
- You have to be in it. - [camera shutter clicks]
- Okay. That's great. - So cute!
- So cute. - Awesome.
You have to send me that.
You don't understand.
This isn't David Gallagher, this isn't Happy the dog,
this is Beverley [bleep] Mitchell
who you should be glad to have directing your horror film. Okay. Bye.
Wha... What was that about?
I have some bad news.
And I'm really sorry to have to tell you this,
but the producer called, he's decided to go with
a different director and the movie's off.
I'm so sorry, Beverley.
No, I was so excited to make my directorial debut.
It was all thought out in my head.
I was just... [groans]
You know what? Look at me right here.
You shouldn't be directing some horror film.
It's beneath you.
That's... That's very sweet, I'm... I'm a little bummed out.
I was really excited and looking forward to it,
but, you know... you know, another project will come.
- Yeah. - Oh, yeah!
- Totally. I just... - Close window, open door.
I am actually gonna go downstairs
and I'm gonna go work on this.
I'm turning the kids' artwork into books for Michael
for Father's Day. I'm gonna...
Oh, one more thing.
Can I borrow your husband's Land Rover?
- Uh... - It's just that I have to go
to Costco later for you and there's that
- big, long list of stuff... - Yeah.
I just don't think it'll fit in my little car, so...
I'll just go downstairs and grab the keys.
Great. Thanks, Beverley, you're the best!
Christine, where are you?
I'm at this stupid sandbox workout class, okay?
You didn't even show up.
Dude, I completely forgot. I totally [bleep] spaced.
Christine, I'm here in a room
with three of my least favorite things:
sand, sweat, and people.
But you know what? I got so busy I got sidetracked.
I was, like, going through Georgia's clothes
and then, you know, we were talking about
sleep training and Kat came over and...
[groans]
I'm so sorry.
Listen, I will make this up to you.
All right? We will go karaokeing.
We haven't done that in forever.
And, um, we'll sing our song.
Yeah, we can do "A Whole New World"
and I will let you be the Jasmine role this time.
Okay, fine.
Please don't be mad. I'm sorry.
All right, but you owe me. Okay?
I do. I promise.
I love you. Have a good workout.
Shut up.
I know, I just feel weird about it, you know?
It's like, I introduced them, and now...
Christine's kinda cutting me out of all of her plans with Kat.
Well, you know, it's just... Christine's just excited
about another mom with a young child
going through the same exact thing
- that Christine's going through. - Yeah, you're right.
I've always been Christine's number one
and I want to be your number two.
- You know what I mean. - I'm just saying.
You set yourself up for that one.
Oh, hey, that's my new assistant Lori Beth...
and the producer of the movie I was supposed to direct.
Hmm. That's weird.
She was... actually supposed to be on the west side.
What the heck is going on?
- Beverley, hi. - Hi.
I am so sorry. How are you?
- I'm... I'm good. - You know, I heard from
your assistant about the whole thing
and how you have to drop out of the movie
and I'm so sorry it's not working out.
But would you do me a favor?
Thank your assistant so much for recommending Lori Beth
because she is a visionary 'cause she's a big director now
like in Sweden or something. She's got these...
It's commercial real. It was just very expressive
and I didn't get it, but I know I needed to.
You know what I mean?
I didn't even know she was still in the business,
but, anyway, her ideas for this movie
are just incredible. Shooting the movie,
like, in one room like in real-time.
- Hmm. - Who would've thought of that?
- I wonder. - It's just been...
Anyway, I have to go. I am so busy producing.
- Right. - Okay.
- Both: Always. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Great. Awesome. - Nice to see you, Beverley.
- So good to see you. - Both: Bye.
Lori Beth stole my meeting, took my job,
used Michael's car so that she looks cool!
She's stealing my life!
- [exhales sharply] - You've hired a psychopath
and you need to confront her about this.
- Right. - You have to fire her!
- Right. - You have to tell her
- this is unacceptable! - She is scary.
Look, if you need backup,
you know you have me and Christine.
Okay. Will you fight her for me?
Oh, my God.
- Well, hello. - Oh, hey, girl. Hey.
- Hi. - So excited for karaoke night!
I know. I feel like it's been ages since we've done it.
Well, we should look at the book 'cause they have
- a lot of new stuff. - Oh, okay.
- Yeah. - Perfect.
- Does she... Is that Kat? - Yeah.
- Kat! - [whispers] Hi.
- Bring the book over. - Yeah.
- Dude, seriously? - I invited her.
She hasn't been out in, like, three months.
- That is not my problem. - Be nice.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Hi. - Thank you for having me.
It was actually a surprise. I actually didn't know...
that you were gonna be here. [laughs]
Oh, well... [gasps]
- Ooh, I have an idea. - Oh... Yeah?
Okay. Because you're not excited right now,
- I can tell. - I'm so...
No, no, no, no. I think...
that you deserve a treat.
We're gonna dedicate a song to you.
That's right, Lakin and I are gonna sing a song
and I have a feeling
that you love "A Whole New World."
So we're gonna sing that as a duet.
Uh... yeah, you know, I'm gonna say no to that one
because Christine knows, like, that's our song.
- So I'm gonna veto that one. - Are you out of your mind?
I mean, look, I feel like
slowly I'm being edged out of your life.
All right? I mean, I have done so many things for you
that nobody else would do, right?
I came over to your house and I ground up your dried placenta
and I put it into little capsules, okay?
Who else would do that? Huh?
Me! Okay? And... And then...
And then I put nipple cream on you
when you had a manicure 'cause you didn't want to
mess up your nail polish, right?
Who else would do that? Nobody! Nobody.
What else in your life... Who else in your life...
What other friend would do...
[whispers] I would.
Put your [bleep] hand down!
Christine, I have to tell you something.
She is a fake.
I went over and had to tell her who you were.
She didn't even know, okay? She's not some super fan
that came over because she was all into "Step by Step."
All right? I went over there when you were having a bad day
thinking that maybe it would help you get out of your funk...
Which it did, but now I'm being cut out.
I don't give a [bleep] she's a fake fan or whatever,
but why are you trying to, like, rip us apart?
You know, she's, like, the first real mom friend I've made.
I just feel like I'm being replaced.
You cannot be replaced.
[groans] I'm so sorry.
- It's okay. - I'm sorry.
I just... I love you. I just got really thre...
Kat, I am... I am so sorry.
- That was just so ugly. - Can I just tell you,
like, she talks about you all the time.
- Really? - She's, like, "Yes, when are we
getting together with Jodie?" Like, I think we could actually
be really close all three of us.
Go sing. I'm sorry.
I will keep my mouth shut and I will not
- act like a crazy person. - [laughs]
How rude!
- How rude! - Is that... your phone?
- How rude! - Ka... Why is your phone
say...
Oh... what the [bleep]?
Her home screen is a picture of you two?
That's the picture we took at the ice cream place.
She totally cut me out of it.
Wait... the ringtone? This picture?
I don't think she was trying to replace you at all, Jodie.
Don't look right now, but there's a woman
taking pictures.
You remember Kat from yesterday?
- I do. - Yes.
Wow, oh, you're a good hugger.
Long hug.
You should come to the Mommy and Me music class.
She talks about you all the time.
- Is that Jodie? - Jodie. Jodie.
- Jodie. - [laughs]
She's not my friend.
She's my stalker.
I'm glad you caught me...
because it's about time that I told you
how much I love you.
I've known that we should be friends
since I watched you on television.
You're amazing. You're so funny and I've always
known that we would connect on a deep level.
When you came over to talk to me at the cafe
I thought, like, this is my moment.
Our moment.
And, Lakin, I really did connect with you.
I wasn't even expecting to and I did.
Can we still be friends?
- I don't think so. - Can we still be friends?
Uh, that's not gonna happen.
- Kat, I think you need to go. - I think... Yeah.
And, like, at least 150 feet away.
Just 150?
Well, maybe I'll...
- What are you do... - Oh, my God.
- Stop! Oh, my God! - Stop taking pictures!
- Stop it! Aah! Get away! - Stop dive bombing me.
What are you doing? Get out of here!
I love you!
- Did that just happen? - [laughs] I don't know.
- That was the weirdest thing. - Oh, my God.
She's insane.
Thank you so much for coming over
and helping me fire Lori Beth.
Don't mind the art. I'm doing a project for my kids.
I've got it all organized. Just don't touch it, okay?
Okay, I think I'm ready. I've got my talking points
right here on my index cards.
Hey, listen, all you need to say is,
"Look, Lori Beth, I don't feel like our energies
are really matching here. So, maybe can just decide
to consciously uncouple this."
Thank you, Gwyneth. If that doesn't work, okay,
then just let me know and I will fire this bitch
with a quickness.
- [exhales deeply] - All right?
Hey, I let myself in. What's up, Beverley?
- I got your call. - Lori Beth...
I am so glad you're here. Um, I've got my friends here,
Christine and Jodie, and we need to, uh,
to have a conversation.
Well, I'd love to have a conversation,
but there are a bunch of kids outside keying cars.
- Oh, [bleep]. - [groans] Come on.
- Bev, we'll be right back. - Wait.
- Thank you. - Uh, Christine...
You know what? I'm gonna make sure
- that they're okay. - [stammers]
You are the boss. You... are... the boss.
Well, Lori Beth, I think we should just wait till, uh,
Jodie and Christine... come back in.
I locked them out.
Okay. All right. All right, well, we can do this.
Uh... I'm thinking that we need a coupling of unconscious...
We know that's... that we... hold on that...
Okay, well, um, all right.
Bev... are you trying to fire me?
[knocking on window]
Oh! O... kay.
All right, this is how this is gonna go down.
You're gonna give me two months severance
and six months healthcare.
Whatever I have to do to get you out of my life
then... fine!
You know, if you don't want to get taken advantage of,
maybe you don't tell everyone you can't handle confrontation
the second you meet them.
I knew you couldn't stand up to me.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[shouts] Hey! Get your ass back here!
You do not [bleep] with my babies' art!
Here's the deal. I'm gonna call that producer
and you're not gonna get that job
and you're never gonna work in this business again
because you're mother[bleep] fired!
[chuckles]
- Dude! - Aah!
Did you just do what I think you just did?
I just [bleep] fired a Bitch!
- Dude! - Oh, my God!
[both scream]
Good for you! Rad!
That was [bleep] awesome! I feel so good!
Oh, my God, we have to go celebrate.
[bleep] yeah, we're gonna celebrate!
We're gonna [bleep] celebrate in this bitch!
- Okay, wow. - That's a lot, Bev.
- Really created a monster. - Let's go.
- Okay, let's do it. - It's a little jarring.
Hold on, I just have to... I ju...
I need just... Okay.
- Bev! - Yeah, I'm coming!
Bev, come on!
- Smile. - No, we don't need that.
- Ah, that's not a good look. - Oh, that's a great picture.
Remind me why I have to do this.
Uh, because this is payback for all the times
your assistant told me that you couldn't do stuff.
- Yeah. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- This is a bad idea. - Oh.
Oh, God! Oh, boy!
- [screams] - Come on, Bev!
I feel like I'm not even working out.
I'm just, like, surfing. Don't keep holding on.
It's not like you're in the ocean.
- [band snaps] - [screams]
Whoa! [thuds]
[laughs]
- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com